: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Shame is for Republicans.
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