brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
