We are two peas in an std pod
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
