he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My bed smells like the plague
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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