I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
my poor anus
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
