And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
