i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
