Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
