All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
