I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
