I just cut my nipple shaving
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
