ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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