The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
