I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
