Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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