I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Let's get the cat blown out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
