i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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