if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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