i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
