I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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