I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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