HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
