Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How does it feel to date your dad?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
