dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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