So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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