he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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