i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
