Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
