Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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