I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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