the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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