I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
