The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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