After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
