Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
