Little spoons don't ask big questions
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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