Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
