RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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