Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
