dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
