He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
