hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
