We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
