i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
