I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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