so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
