I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
