i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The power of my boobs compel you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
