we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
