i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
