i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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