did you get engaged???
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
