True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
